Couple Portraits: Joel & Molly

I met Molly and Joel about 2 years ago when they joined us in our living room for a weekly bible study. A warm, talkative - esp Molly ;), and loving couple - Paul and I instantly enjoyed their company. Through those two years they have shared their ups and downs with our community group - the sudden loss of his father, their wedding!, and now battling testicular cancer after only 1 year of marriage. Joel was diagnosed back in November, has undergone surgery, and is currently braving chemotherapy which started less than 2 weeks ago. Molly reached out to me asking if I would take their pictures before facing chemo and most likely Joel losing his hair. Of course I said YES. When a friend is going through something like this, it's hard to find the right things to say or do, taking their pictures was the least I could do for them.

Joel and Molly have been through more than most in the 2 years I have known them, but they continue to hold fast to their faith and each other. They are building a strong foundation for the life ahead them. 

Things I'm Lovin' - Personal Style

Over the next three weeks I'll be writing a series "Things I'm Lovin'" covering three areas: personal style, food, and home. These are items I use almost every day. The last thing I want to do is give you 

more

 things to buy right after Christmas, however my guess is that 1-2 items from each list will interest you.

Now for the first list! When I'm in the house with a toddler, I prefer to dress in a way that I can be ready to go out and about anytime of the day. I have used or worn these items almost everyday so far in 2017. And I love that a couple of these items allow me to transition seamlessly from a yoga/spin class to a brunch with girlfriends or Paul (an ideal weekend morning, however for me, leaving the house is typically a trip to Trader Joe's with Roswelle in tow!). 

Promoting activity, versatility, and self-love...these items literally keep me going.

Links and explanations of products are listed below:

1. 

Convertible Cozy Fleece Pullover ($132)

: I received a similar convertible cape for Christmas from Paul's mother (from Lulu, but no longer available) and it is something I wear almost everyday. I'm basically wearing a chic blanket. Long enough to pair with leggings or yoga pants, this versatile piece can be dressed up or down. It's my favorite item of clothing at the moment!

2. 

Love Your Melon Pom Beanie ($45)

: I couldn't write it better myself, so I took this beanie's story directly from the website: "

On a mission to improve the lives of children battling cancer since October 22nd, 2012, Love Your Melon began with the simple idea of putting a hat on every child battling cancer in America. 

After achieving the original goal of donating 45,000 hats— one for every child battling cancer in America — Love Your Melon set a new goal of donating one million dollars to pediatric cancer research and providing immediate support to children and their families. 

Fifty percent (50%) of profit from the sale of all Love Your Melon products is given to Love Your Melon’s 

nonprofit partners

 in the fight against pediatric cancer." 

3. 

S'well bottle ($45)

: In an effort to declutter my life, I'm now using one bottle for water. The S'well bottle is mostly used for water (hot or cold) but has also worked as my fruit smoothie bottle! I love the clean, fresh look of the white (thank you, Emily, for gifting me this!)

4. 

Sakroots Charging Wristlet ($38)

: Sure, I carry way more than a wristlet during the day (picture: human camel) but with all the things I have to remember, it is nice to have only one thing to grab for myself which carries my keys, phone, cards, and will even charge my phone. I live in a state of "less than 20% battery charged" most days so this little gadget is handy for me. And it's cute to boot!

5. 

ghd Classic Curl Iron ($160):

 I feel my best when I take just 15 minutes in the morning to get ready for the day, that includes adding a few curls to my hair. Definitely an investment compared to my old Conair curling iron, but this iron heats up in less than 20 seconds and the curls last ALL DAY, if not 2 days, due to it's special heat technology. Recently, my hair hadn't been holding any curl, so this new iron is a game-changer for me.

6. 

Gold Stacking Rings ($14)

: Simple, inexpensive, and shows I gave myself a little extra thought in the morning. It's all in the details, sometimes. 

7. 

S.W. Basics Lip Cream ($12)

: In the middle of winter, nothing takes a beating more than my lips and skin. I drink plenty of water but it isn't enough to combat the below freezing temps and dry air in Boston. I received this lip balm in a 

Petit Vour

 box last January and I'm still using it!

8. 

Tieks ballet flats ($175):

 These flats LAST. I can tear through some flats but my pair of Tieks have lasted me 4 seasons of city-living with little wear or tear. Staying with the theme of decluttering my life, these are my chosen flats for everyday life.  Yes, they are very expensive, but arguably worth the money.  

9. 

Origins Retexturizing Mask with Rose Clay ($26)

: My girlfriend told me she liked the results of the Origins Rose Clay mask, so I gave it a try and it's now my favorite. It evens out my skin tone and the act of putting on a mask at night makes me feel like I'm giving myself some love, which probably has the most to do with the good results. I use the mask maximizer spray and drink-up mask (pictured above) on a regular basis as well.

10. 

Honest Organic Body Oil ($10)

: I used this body oil over the weekend at my girlfriend's and immediately ordered it when I got home. I'm not a fan of lotion, mostly because of typical ingredients, but a bottle of organic oils fits the bill. Feels great going on, preferably after a shower, and lasts all day. I highly suggest!!

Newborn Portrait: Baby Michael Alexander

Professionally, it was an exciting end to 2016, as I said yes to more and more photography shoots. Through all the experience, I'm learning that my passion lies in photographing newborns. As much as this hobby of mine developed over the past two years, I'm eagerly anticipating even more growth in 2017.

And so, meet Baby Michael! When photographing an 11day old baby, as Michael was, I prefer to go to the home of the baby, where he is in his environment with familiar smells and sights. This also allows the parents to have everything they need to properly take care of their new, little one. Everything about this particular shoot was sweet and soft: adoring parents, baby toes, and a very comfy baby!

Enjoy the sweetness!

2017 Resolutions

I was inspired after reading other bloggers new year's resolutions today, to write my own! Some are brand new and some a continuation of things we've been putting into practice the last month or so...

1.

Walk more

. I am lucky enough to be able to walk to the local grocery store, rite-aid, restaurants, even Roswelle's potential preschool if I am feeling up for it (which reminds me I need to finish the application). It seems like a simple concept, but most days I must look for ways to make myself move more, as it's no longer inherent in my day-to-day routine.

2.

Buy less things I like and more things I love

. I'm known for going to HomeGoods or Target and coming back with things...not needs or even wants...just things. I need to stop buying another vase and buy more fresh flowers for example.

3.

Give myself more credit.

 I'm going to give myself more acknowledgement for what I am already doing. I'm hard on myself for not doing enough for others, but I should remind myself we have been hosting a community group in our living room for 6-10 neighbors every Wednesday night for the past 3 years. I'm really tough on myself when I eat something indulgent but I should give myself more credit for deciding, without regret or significant resistance, to be Gluten-free/Dairy-Free last May and continuing it for the foreseeable future because I feel AMAZING eating that way. Instead of consistently thinking of ways to better myself or how I am coming up short, I want to focus on what I AM doing!

4.

Less screen time and more meal-time for Roswelle

.  We started cutting back on TV/iPhone time for Roswelle in December and it was a shock to Paul and I how little she asked for cartoons after a day or two. I go 3-4 days now without her watching a single show or movie. It has been really rewarding to both Roswelle and myself. In turn, I noticed she started asking to "eat" more frequently out of boredom. We started letting her graze throughout the day and rarely sat down for a meal after breakfast. Paul and I are shifting gears and creating more structure around 3 meals a day in hopes that she will genuinely be hungry when she eats and as a result try more vegetables and have well balanced meals.

5.

Get dressed more at home

. As a stay at home mom, I can spend multiple days in sweatpants and sloppy, over-sized t-shirts. I know I am more productive and feel better when I get dressed for the day. It's not like I'll be wearing fitted pants or even blouses, simple jeans and a sweater would do the trick. 2 minutes to put on mascara and bronzer and a few fresh curls in my hair makes me feel as awake as a cup of coffee. I can do it....and should start now. It's 11am and I am writing this in my pajamas.

6.

Give Paul and myself a night off, separately

. Another blogger practices this with her husband and they love it. One night a week Paul gets to do WHATEVER he wants without any questioning from me...my guess is his night will be Tuesday so he can go to his favorite Yin Flow yoga class. And in return, I can do anything I want on my night off whether it's go to Yoga, head to HomeGoods to roam around aimlessly (which doesn't help resolution #2), get a manicure, or even go up to my room and shut the door (introvert timeeee). We both think it's a great idea but now we just need to DO it - which is common denominator in ALL resolutions I guess.

7.

Finally, blog more

. It never fails, as soon as I get into a groove of blogging on a regular basis something comes up to stall me. I get sick for a week, we go on a trip, or week flies by without any time to write and then that week turns in to a month. I've got 4-5 photo sessions ready to post and I just need to do it!! In between, I'll sprinkle in personal posts which are my favorite to write.

Christmas 2016!

I've been doing a fairly good job of photographing Christmas details this year. Being the blogger, documenter, over-sharer that I am, it would make me so sad if I didn't have them (and this post) to look back on. It's hard to stop in the moment, pull out my camera, and get the shot (or let's be honest...set up the little photo shoot) but in the end I'm glad I did. There are plenty of moments and memories that go undocumented, when I remind myself that not everything needs to be in a picture, but below tells a little bit of our Christmas 2016 as of December 23rd.

Many of these photos are repeats from Instagram, if you don't already follow me, I'd love for you to! >> @laurenlashway

{2016 Christmas Card - we were both sick when I took these pictures}

{RUDOLPH is everything to her this year}

{I'm officially a fan of family pajamas at Christmas}

{Roswelle's breakfast nook}

{our coffee cabinet}

{Christmas cheer in our guest room}

{I was determined to enjoy a pretty drink this year!}

{wrapping at my mom's house}

{wrapping at my house}

{I made cinnamon rolls from scratch for the first time - they turned out OK. Going to try to find a better GF/DF recipe}

{cousin love at a Christmas Tea}

{not my best photography skills, but still the best picture}

Favorite Things

This is a longer-winded Favorite Things post than usual. I figure it's warranted since I haven't written in a while. Have a great weekend, y'all!

1. CROCKSGIVING! (<<click for link) We host a neighborhood bible study every week and I wanted to do something special for Thanksgiving without actually spending the entire day cooking. I googled crockpot and thanksgiving, and wouldn't you know it, Buzzfeed had already figured it out for me! I followed the recipe instructions exactly, however, I replaced the flour, bread, and butter with GF/DF alternatives. I also used sweet potato chips instead of fried onions. And finally, made fresh cranberry sauce which was surprisingly simple and wonderful addition. This is a great alternative for spending hours in the kitchen. It was a hit! 

2. PERSON CARE: While at home in Georgia earlier in the month, I went to my friend and stylist Ashley at J.Thomas Salon. I wanted a refresher but loved the color of my naturally grown in roots at the moment. She only highlighted my ends, absolutely no foils on the crown of my head. The result was exactly what I had been looking for, a slightly brighter change.

3. FBF: A sweet memory from our week at my Mom's house in GA. They love her so much! 

4. A HEALTHY HABIT: I spend most of my days refilling sippy-cups and emptying half-full, forgotten coffee mugs. So when I can, I pull out a stemmed glass and poor myself a sparkling water with a fresh lemon garnish. So simple, but it makes me feel more adult and pulled together amid the most chaotic of days.

5. SHARE GRATITUDE:  As Thanksgiving approaches, I encourage you to write one hand-written note before Thursday - maybe even to your host? This is one we received from a friend and it was such a sweet sentiment.

6: SO LONG, SUPER MOON: You were beautiful yes, but you had me and Roswelle feeling all sorts of emotions!! 

Lifestyle Portrait: The Alves Family!

Introducing a wonderfully sweet family, the Alves'! Paul met Mike and his daughter Vivian (Vivi for short) at our neighborhood playground and we have enjoyed getting to know them more and more over the past couple of years. 

The word that comes to mind when I think of them, as a family, is grateful. Mike and Vanessa are grateful for each other and their marriage, and they are especially grateful for their sweet little girl, Vivi. Feelings always show through on the camera, and it was especially true on this sunny, autumn Sunday in Boston.

Happy Halloween, 2016!

Happy Halloween!! Yesterday, we spent the afternoon attending our neighborhood (Savin Hill) parade. Our family joined us and we met up with neighbor friends and their littles. It was exciting and exhausting for everyone! I love seeing all of the creative costumes the parents and kids come up with, all the work that went into planning, and finally whether or not the child will actually allow execution on the big day. Roswelle is a Mommy-Puppy, as her two favorite things are babies and puppies. She carried her "litter" (as Paul referred to it) around with pride. However, she would NOT let me paint her nose! :(

The best part of Halloween this year, for Roswelle, is the trick-or-treating. She really got into the process and protected her loot all the way to Atlanta that night (I was shocked she let me put in on the security belt at the airport). Late last night, at Mia's house, after we had changed her and read a few books, she could barely keep her eyes open but she hazily requested that her bag of puppies and candy came into the crib with her, and I of course said yes. Little does she know, she gets to do it all over again tonight! 

Below are pictures from yesterday's parade:

Favorite Things

It's officially Fall up in New England, with temperatures dipping into the 30s at night and staying in the 40s during the day (let's ignore the fact that it snowed in parts of Massachusetts yesterday shall we?). Instead of thinking about the impending Winter season, I'm fully embracing Fall and all its glory with warm meals at the end of the day, dressing in sweaters & boots, and all the pumpkin/apple flavored anything I can get my hands on (GF/DF obvi).

Below are reflections of the season in my life this week:

{Lemon + Cinnamon has become my new favorite scent combo - it's fresh and cozy}

{The large oak tree behind our townhouse is finally turning - it is the most vibrant yellow in the end}

{giving Roswelle just the right amount of Halloween flair - I'll be posting her costume on Monday}

{y'all, make this Maple + Sea Salt Popcorn TONIGHT. It's.the.best.}

My Personal Care Routine

If you were to look in my bathroom today, these are the products you would find. And before we get any further, Beauty Counter products are in my future. To all you Beauty Counter lovers out there, I hear you and I'm listening! Instead of doing a huge overhaul of my personal care products, I plan to introduce changes one by one.

For those of you ready to make a step in the right direction and looking for some cleaner, safer products to use in your everyday routine, I've listed out the products I've been using and currently like.

And I should also say....the best beauty secret out there is water, water, water. Drink water!! It will only enhance the health of your hair, skin, and nails and the effects of the products mentioned below.

1. Kai Shampoo & Contioner: My mom and I bought this product from a small shop side-walk sale and we've both been hooked ever since. The shampoo & conditioner combo gives a squeaky clean feel with little residue left. My hair feels lighter, manageable and allows me to only wash my hair once a week.**

2. Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Bar Soap: I use the bar for my face and the body wash (not pictured) for the rest. I'm so confident in this product that I'm willing to say I will never use anything else (especially on my face). The first ingredient is water and the second is organic coconut oil which leaves my skin clean without being stripped of it's natural oils.*

3. Fresh Rose Mask: I mentioned this product in a Favorite Things post a few weeks ago. It had to be included in this post as well as it is a step in my nightly routine. Right after I wash my face, I spread a very thin layer of the rose mask over my face before applying my night-time moisturizer.**

4. Origins Plantscriptions Night Cream: I've been using Origin products on my face for a couple years now. Proven to be one of the cleaner (in terms of unnecessary chemicals) products out there while still being affordable. I use the daytime cream (not pictured) in the morning which has SPF25.**

5. Jasons Deodorant: I feel like I should give full disclosure here...because those of you that know me really well, know that I don't wear deodorant (gasp!!). For the rest of you...ta-da!...I don't wear it. I stopped wearing it when I was nursing Roswelle and decided to let my body adjust and rarely need it anymore. However, on the rare occasions I go out dancing or to a function that I might be particularly nervous about...I throw on the most basic unscented deodorant I can find. This Jason's line seems to do the trick!** ....(I think this W Magazine article is worth a read)

6. Origins Charcoal Detoxifying Mask: This is my secret weapon when my skin needs a little pick me up and I want to look fresh-faced in the morning. I leave on for 10-15 minutes and make sure to add extra moisturizer after.**

7. Sephora Face Masks: One method of extra moisturizer (as mentioned in #6) is a Sephora Face Mask. A great gift for any girlfriend or stocking stuffer, these masks really work. I'm prone to breakouts and have yet to have a reactions to these mask, no matter which one I select. I keep these on hand when I need to look refreshed for special date nights, after a long trip, holiday parties, or when I need to give myself some extra care.

8. Philips Sonicare Toothbrush: I'm the worst at getting to the dentist on a regular basis (unlike Paul who never misses an appt). But this Sonicare toothbrush got me an A+ from my dental hygienist even though it had been 2 years since my last cleaning (yikes!).

9. Shea Butter Lotion: We don't love using lotion in our household, Paul has a theory that it only makes your skin dryer. But in the depths of winter when no amount of water intake keeps my skin hydrated enough, we turn to raw organic shea butter. It feels like putty in my fingers, but once I start to lather on my legs, it coats evenly and absorbs well. And it doesn't stain everything like coconut oil!!*

10. Clarisonic Mia 2: A long-time friend to my skin, I've been using the clarisonic for years. I change the brush every 3 months and only use 2x a week during the winter, as opposed to nightly in the summer when my skin can handle it.

11. Tom's Simply White Toothpaste: I've been a Crest Whitening toothpaste user since high school, but a couple years ago made the switch to Tom's because less is best in our products!*

*I purchase these products from my favorite grocery store, Trader Joe's!
**I order these products on Amazon, usually at a discounted price and with free shipping.

Cora Rose - One Year Ago!

My friend's daughter, Cora Rose, turns one year old this week! I realized a little while ago that I had never shared her newborn pictures. I decided this week would be better than any to share and take a moment to look back at how much she has changed (for those of us that know her). For the rest of you, here are some pictures of a sweet, celebrated baby! 

Favorite Things

Sometimes it surprises me how quickly our week fills up with errands, playdates, community events, social events and just life. Even though I stay at home with Roswelle and Paul gets home at a reasonable hour most nights, I still feel like I have to fight for quality family time in our schedules. While we have plans this weekend, both Saturday & Sunday, I'm hoping we have plenty of time in between to build forts in the living room, scramble eggs together in the kitchen, and relax up in Roswelle's room watching her play.

Here are some things that kept me inspired this week: 

{I LOVE this Hanna Andersson sweater (similar here) on Roswelle this Fall - the yellow pocket is such a sweet detail}

{I love finding unexpected florals at Trader Joe's}

{I've been making this Paleo Pumpkin Bread every week - only 50g of sugar (via maple syrup) in the entire loaf!}

{I already posted this on Instagram, but I fell in love with my girlfriend's blue back door. The perfect shade for all four seasons - I'll have to ask her the paint color and put it back on here}

{I took some time for myself this week and watched my first photography webinar}

Paleo Dark Chocolate Coconut Macaroons

I recently discovered Trader Joe's dark chocolate macaroons which met my gluten free/dairy free restrictions and was everything I had been missing in a dessert. However, the long list of ingredients and excessive refined sugar content did not sit well with me. So, I ventured out into the world wide web on a search for a simpler recipe which means I googled "dairy free gluten free coconut macaroons." 

I found several recipes with varying complexities and ingredients. I pulled from a few and tried my own method on a whim and it turned out remarkably well! With only 7 ingredients, I'm happy to have the quick, healthy crowd pleaser in my back pocket. Recipe is at the end of the post.

Recipe //

3 cups shredded coconut
2 tbsp maple syrup
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
2 egg whites
pinch of sugar
1 tbsp coconut oil (melted)
72% (or higher) dark chocolate bar (dairy free)

Turn oven on to 350º. Blend 1 1/2 cups of  shredded coconut in food processor until grainy. Add with rest of shredded coconut. Add maple syrup, vanilla extract, and mix well. Whip 2 egg whites and a pinch of salt (absolutely no yolk!!) until peaks form. Gently fold the egg whites into the coconut mixture. Use ice-cream scooper to gather 1 1/2 tbsp of mixture into hand and roll little balls. Place on pan lined with parchment paper (necessary when baking something like this). Drizzle or brush melted coconut oil onto top of macaroons. Place in oven for 20ish minutes - until golden brown on top and sides. While they are out of the oven, cooling, slowing melt broken up chocolate bar in a sauce pan over low heat while continuously stirring (only takes 3-5 minutes). Move melted chocolate into a small bow with a pouring tip and slowly drizzle chocolate onto macaroons (they can still be in the pan a this point)! Let cool completely and enjoy!

**full disclosure: with so little ingredients there needs to be an agent to keep the little macaroons together post baking. I suggest blending up half of the coconut flakes in a mini food processor until a smoother texture is achieved. I skipped that step with this batch pictured and regretted it. They looked and tasted perfect until we bit into them causing them to crumble in your fingers. They were still delicious but you look a mess eating them. The drizzled chocolate on top helped but not quite enough. If you don't have a small food processor, another option would to be adding a tablespoon of coconut flour to the recipe.

Lifestyle Portraits: Mac & Josie

I recently posted this picture of Roswelle. It’s a great picture of her, yes, but the reason it stands out is because you sense what she is thinking. The look of contentment and curiosity in her eyes are absorbed, and it strikes a chord with the viewer as she peers into the camera lens. Yes, beautifully posed pictures are wonderful and there will always be a place for them, however photos that invite you to share in the emotions are remembered most.

This is what keeps me photographing - and freezing those moments is especially easy with toddlers, who have yet to learn to guard their expressions.

I recently went over to my girlfriends house to photograph her energetic 20-month old little boy, Mac, and his younger 3-month old sister, Josie.  This is the story they told:

Want an in-house photo shoot? Let's chat! contact me >> saralaurenw@gmail.com

Favorite Things

I believe I've finally found a schedule that works for the blog! Monday/Thursday/Friday posts have been manageable for the past few weeks. I usually work on Monday's post in spurts over the weekend. I then have 3 full days to work on Thursday's post and Friday is just a round-up of the week (and is sometimes my favorite to write). I'd love for you to visit on those days, but I know how busy life can be, so I've made things easy for you and added a subscribe option to the right  >>>

Here are some things that have kept me inspired this week...

{Fall foliage has begun in our neighborhood park that Roswelle and I walk to nearly everyday.}

{a quick moment that has stayed with me}

{this pretty vignette makes for a cheery morning and peaceful night, while making breakfast and dinner}

{I made Pumpkin Chicken Taco Soup (recipe link) and it was the perfect balance of sweet and spicy}

{A rockstar baby-do if there ever was one. We were lucky to have mighty Titan and his parents stay with us for a few days (see more of him here)}

Roswelle's Room - A Toddler Update

I realized the other day that I rarely photograph or post on Roswelle’s room. The last full highlight of it was over 2 ½ years ago (which you can read here) when it was barely used – she wasn’t even sleeping in there yet! She is now a full-time sleeper in there…and it's time for a dedicated post.

Speaking of sleep, Roswelle is still in her crib and we don’t plan to move her out of it until a) she grows out of it b) she starts to climb out of it or c) another baby is ready to sleep in it. That could be tomorrow night or a year away, I have a feeling it will be somewhere in between. Also, I moved the rocking chair into our bedroom to lend more space for age appropriate toys. While she has her favorites, the drawing/sticker board and her books, she still visits her picnic table and baby changing station enough for me leave them be.

A toddler room can be tricky to decorate because their interests change rather quickly. Choosing simple staple items like a bookshelf, baskets, an easel, and a table with chairs seems to work well. I update all of those with current interests, toys, and activities throughout the year while being able to keep the room aesthetically pleasing. Of course I wanted a play kitchen, doll-house, and even a teepee (which is currently folded up in a corner) but there was no room for them and they didn’t offer enough flexibility to be placed in her room. So for now, she will have to wait to go to grandmas house to play with those items – as they both have them waiting for her!

I’ve found that children rooms are the quickest to become cluttered. Memorabilia, old crafts, clothes that are too small, and old, un-used toys all start to crowd corners, drawers, and shelves. It takes a lot out of me to update her room every 6 months, both nostalgia and a slight bit of sadness make it tough to either store, give away, or toss those items. But in the end I feel better after the room has been updated for her level of development and age.

Below are some shots of her room I took the other day. I love when she and I just spend time together in there. The room gets great sunlight and I find it incredibly peaceful. And each visit she finds something that intrigues her all over again. 

{the look of curiosity!}

 

{you know how much I love to style and her space isn't excluded}

{some new and old items make for a great shelfie - that is a picture of my dad and I}

Senior Portraits - Carson Ellis Weatherford

Wanna know what makes me feel 30? Taking my baby brother’s High School senior pictures. Wanna know what makes my heart wanna burst with pride? Taking my baby brother’s High School senior pictures!

I was 12 when Carson was born and he was immediately my little baby. When we brought him home from the hospital I took him straight up to the nursery and locked the door. He was mine!! My grandmother tells me she almost had a heart attack ;) It's been a unique experience to actually remember my brother being born, him as a toddler, graduating kindergarten, and now preparing to graduate high school. 

Dad died when Carson was only 10 years old. A young man's path can be extremely altered by such a significant loss, but Carson's connection with Dad was so strong that his impact as a father for those short 10 years has remained a grounding contributor to Carson's growth. Our Dad kept a journal, which is priceless to us now that he is gone (I recommend every parent doing the same), and below are two excerpts I thought I would share:

Carson, we are so thankful you were born! You remind many people of our Dad, and I think we can all see why...

Back to the senior pictures: The session went how you would expect between a tired, hungry, “over-it” brother and an annoying, bossy, prodding seeeester. But it worked! Even though I couldn’t convince him to skip through the leaves and his shirt was wrinkled, we still got some great shots! Especially of his classic Carson hair flip. In the end, all he wanted was a good picture with his letterman jacket and his truck, so I think my client is happy.

I’m incredibly proud of him and excited to continue to watch him grown into the man he is meant to be!

Favorite Things

First, thank you for the support, encouragement, and prayers in response to Monday's post. I had a few moments of "oh my goodness what was I thinking putting all of that on the internet?!?!?" but then the overwhelming sense of relief since sharing my story was exactly what my heart needed. So thank you.

//

Three out of the five pictures below have rattan/wicker in them. I'm sensing a shift in my style and I'm excited to see where this newfound west-coast-vibe takes me! Here are some things around the house that have been inspiring me this week:

{all the Fall decorating I can handle this year, purposely displayed in our entrance landing}

{I bought these porcelain profile bust earrings at a sidewalk sale on my street for $5, and I wear them almost everyday}

{I recently photographed Roswelle's room and I'm looking foward to sharing the updates made for toddler life}

{I don't know what it is about gourds, but I feel so earthly and healthy cooking with them. Also, #Fall}

{the view from the stairs as I walk to our bedroom (although the lamp has got to go)}

Lastly, we sold our bed (explains picture above). It was a great bed, but as y'all are probably figuring out by now, I change my mind frequently when it comes to our home. It was the last piece of Paul's bachelorhood. When we were breaking it apart, Paul made the comment that he couldn't believe I actually waited this long change it. And now, I'm on the hunt for a new headboard...be on the lookout for a round-up post! But for now, I really love the way our bed looks on the ground...it's so grounding. Ha! But in all seriousness, I think we may go lower this time around.  Stay tuned...

A Simple Butternut Squash Soup

This butternut squash soup is everything you want it to be: smooth, sweet, savory, and simple. I know a lot of you are excited to break out your crockpot - well here is a recipe to add to your fall line-up!

I couldn't believe how fast the squash was ready - only 2 1/2 hours (on high) and no peeling, chopping, or prepping involved!! My guess is that it would take ~6 hours on a low setting, if you decided to prep this during the work day. Once cooked, the squash is immediately ready to be pureed in a blender. In the original recipe an immersion blender was used, although I used my regular blender and it worked very well. Don't be intimidated by recipes if you don't have all the ingredients or tools - in my experience, improvising usually ends well.

I've included self-explanatory pictures that illustrate the detailed steps listed in the link below. The only difference in my approach was using full fat coconut milk. In our house, we love all the fat we can get, especially the healthy kind. I also tripled the recipe which could easily serve 6-8 people.

I served it last night to our weekly community group and it was a hit! I set out a garnishing tray with chopped chives, black pepper, more coconut milk, nutmeg, and italian breadsticks. 

This was the very first time I made this meal and I was pleasantly surprised - I highly recommend!

Original Recipe: http://www.skinnytaste.com/slow-cooker-blissful-butternut-squash/ (thank you Emily B. for sending along!)

Life Lately: my IVF journey thus far

{me and my wee-little embryo. spoiler alert: it didn't make it}

Just over 3 years ago, Paul and I experienced the amazing moment of a positive pregnancy test. It was our second month of trying to conceive, and our heart’s desire had quickly been filled with a new baby on the way! Roswelle Gray Lashway arrived 9 months later and I became a Mom. It was blissfully simple, other than my water breaking at 37 weeks at a restaurant in Ogunquit, Maine.  

All I have ever wanted to be was a mother - and thankfully I AM. I should pause here to say that our journey has been so much more bearable, blessed even, with Roswelle in our lives. She is our walking, laughing, growing little miracle. Right now I’m at a place where the longer it takes me to get pregnant, the more I appreciate my one-on-one time with my little angel.

Ever since I can remember, I have envisioned myself with a big family.  I always assumed I was going to be a fertile-Myrtle (see: my Mom and her 4 children). And after having Roswelle I saw no reason why my plan (and time-frame) wasn’t going to play out as I had dreamed. And then when “my plan” wasn’t falling into place, I was devastated. There is no other way to put it: I’ve struggled with a lot of self-judgment. It has been very difficult, and I’m still not there, but I’m trying to understand God’s plan for me while leaving my manufactured plan behind.

For the first 9 months of trying for a second baby I was incredibly private, you could even say secretive. Each month of no baby, the secret kept becoming more poisonous. I was trying everything: less running, then more running, no coffee, then as much coffee as my heart desired, acupuncture (which I loved), blackstrap molasses (for iron), gluten-free (still am), all the ovulation strips, all the wives-tales you can think of, and even a glass of champagne on ovulation day to help my body (and mind) relax. And yes, there were even months where I truly “didn’t think about it” and didn’t even really want to get pregnant, and alas I still didn’t get pregnant! But no matter what I tried, my anxiety fed off the secret, creating a tumultuous cycle. I was trying so hard to be zen from the inside out, to create a comfy space for a new baby, but the secret of unsuccessfully trying was consuming. My closest of friends, even family, were all kept in the dark. I was so scared that people would see me as flawed, a disappointment, infertile.

Then finally, after a lot of encouragement from Paul, I did it. I shared. I don’t even remember who the first person I told was, or how much I told them, but I do remember cautiously mentioning that IVF was something we were considering (Paul and I had already met with an endocrinologist in January to discuss our options). I’m sure it was awkward for both parties, no one can ever say the right thing the right way, and emotions were high on my part. But that first release felt so good. So good in fact that the leak of the secret turned into a flow of information. I started telling anyone and everyone. The more people I told, the lighter the burden. The judgements I had put on myself and my body started to crumble and I began to see myself in a new light.

Fast forward to July, Paul and I went through our first round of IVF. Because my uterus is smaller than normal (a unicornuate to be exact), twins are medically risky for me, leading us directly to IVF with single embryo transfers, skipping the less invasive options of clomid/IUI. We had a successful first cycle, with a seamless 5-day fresh transfer, which unfortunately, did not stick. I’m intentionally not including my egg retrieval results in this post. I have gone down the dark rabbit hole of searching for other women’s stats – egg count, fertilization, and embryo numbers. I compared myself to these women and their numbers when I knew NOTHING about their medical history, doctors, or lifestyle! My girlfriend finally told me to stop putting other people’s experiences into my own expectations.

I recently ear-marked the paragraph below from the book Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter. Once I stopped wallowing in what wasn’t happening for me, I finally remembered I actually AM what I was trying to be: fearfully and wonderfully made, a marvelous work.

“But aren’t all great quests folly? El Dorado and the Fountain of Youth and the search for intelligent life in the cosmos – we know what’s out there. It’s what isn’t that truly compels us. Technology may have shrunk the epic journey to a couple of short car rides and regional jet legs – four states and twelve hundred miles traversed in an afternoon – but true quests aren’t measured in time or distance anyways, so much as in hope. There are only two good outcomes for a quest like this, the hope of the serendipitous savant – sail for Asia and stumble on America – and the hope of scarecrows and tin men: that you find out you had the thing you sought all along.”

No matter what, this blog will continue to be about all things inspiring and I hope this post in itself inspires you to share. Whatever you are going through, try to let someone in. Bring it out of the darkness, into the light; it will lose its power over you. From my experience, being transparent has been an antidote to self-judgment.  I found that when I shared what we were going through, SO many others had experienced or were facing something similar. You are not alone in this, so try to resist alienating yourself. We are designed to thrive in a community: loving others and allowing others to love us.

We have had multiple delays, hurdles, and disappointments and I’m sure there will be more – because that’s life. But for now we are comfortable in our season of trust and patience. Paul says at least once a week “It’s not a matter of ‘if’ we are able to hold another baby, it is just a matter of ‘when and how’.” That may be more IVF cycles, it may be adoption, it may be a naturally conceived baby. I’m thankful for the hope that comes will all of those possibilities.

It’s hard for me to push “publish” on this, but it means too much to me not to share. Blog posts that are worthy of a real conversation are always hard to put out there for y’all to read, there will inevitably be things I unintentionally leave out. But thank you for listening while I listen to my heart that is nudging me to “share.”